Breathing
by tokyoichigo
Summary: Naruto, his mask and the love he is willing to give up in order to protect it. my first and probably only fic. Oneshot. NaruIno


My first fic, not really based off the song by yellowcard. it just inspired me and it's a great song. i don't really know how it became a NaruIno. it felt right at the tíme. any criticism welcome. and if i owned Naruto i'd be rich and a genius. which i am not.

Breathing

Song by Yellowcard. Naruto owned by Masashi Kishimoto. Story by tokyoichigo.

_Eyes are feeling heavy but the never seem to close_

_The fan blades on the ceiling spin but the air is never cold_

When was the last time he had slept a full night? Probably years ago, or so it felt. But no one noticed this. He had made sure of it, kept it well hidden, as well as his emotions, behind a mask. 'Mask?' He pondered. No you couldn't really call it that, after all he did, like everyone else, not know his true nature. But he sure didn't feel the way he acted everyday in front of all his friends, his enemies and the whole damn village. Everyone took him for a loud, annoying and careless person and if he dropped that act now everyone would think he was sick or depressed. But that would never happen, he had made promise to himself, he would never drop that smiling and happy act. Ever.

_And even though you're next to me I still feel so alone_

_I just can't give you anything for you to call your own_

All his life he had felt that loneliness, the same loneliness that always greeted him when he arrived at home. To his empty apartment. Sometimes he hated it, at other times he loved it. It was his sanctuary; his protection and the only place where he could finally let go of everything. The place where he could relax and act like what he thought was the closest to his true self. Or at least so it had been.

Until She showed up.

She was the strangest creature he had ever met. Maybe he shouldn't have been surprised; he had after all known her since the Academy years. But at the Academy she had been just like everyone, despising and hating him without even knowing him. When they graduated she had been just like his pink haired team mate, swooning all over that bastard traitor, and only caring about looks and clothes. But when the traitor left the village and he himself had been stupid to follow to try to bring Sasuke back, reality came crashing down on her like ton of bricks.

She must have realised who the people she was going to miss were, when the mission failed badly. Two of her team mates were on his team for that mission. One of them nearly died and was in hospital for several weeks. She swore on the day she saw Chouji in coma, thin and pale, to one day take revenge on the traitor if he ever dared return to the village. At the age of 17 she had grown and matured, physically and mentally, private and as a ninja. She was the first female jounin in her family.

_And I can feel you breathing and it's keeping me awake_

_Can you feel it beating my heart sinking like weight_

She was depressed when they met again. She didn't, even though other people didn't realize, have many real friends. Her team mates and Sensei of course, and she had considered Kakashi-san a friend (A/N he stops by the flower shop every morning, to buy flowers for the memorial), but they were men and in secret she missed Sakura as a friend. She rarely had serious fights with her team mates, but the fights they had weren't pretty.

It was a cold January night, and at the bar where she was drowning her sorrows it was almost empty. Then he had entered. The bartender glared at him, but he chose to ignore it. He sat down next to her and remarked that she was still underage and shouldn't be so obvious about it. She had chosen to ignore his comment and kept drinking the sake she had in her hand. He ordered the same as her, and shortly after it resulted in a silent drinking contest.

When they the next morning woke up next to each other in his bed, they weren't shocked. Instead she got up and made him breakfast. Then she left with a smile and a suggestive glint in her eyes.

_Something I've been keeping locked away behind my lips_

_I can feel it breaking free with each and every kiss_

They kept seeing each other like that for the following months, and one morning he woke up and realised how different he smiled around her. His real smile. The one that was supposed to be buried and dead. How had she managed to invade his life like that and he had not even made an attempt to stop it? And now he was in the bed next to her awake and confused. Why was it that every time he kissed her, he felt like letting go of that image of him that had kept him going, day after day, year after year. He even considered telling her about the demon.

_I couldn't bear to hurt you but it is all so different now_

_Things that I was sure of they have filled me up with doubt_

Did he love her? Maybe he did. He didn't know, but he was gambling the two things that had ever meant a lot to him. He had had the mask since even before the Academy days, and he didn't think anyone had seen him without it. Possibly Iruka-sensei at the thirds funeral, baa-chan or ero-sennin. Would he give up the mask he had worked so hard to maintain for this momentarily happiness? She was like an infection slowly spreading, and taking over him.

_And I can feel you breathing and it's keeping me awake_

_Can you feel it beating my heart sinking like weight_

_I can feel you breathing and it's keeping me awake_

_Could you stop my heart it's always _

_Beating, sinking like a weight_

He turned to her in the bed. She lay there sleeping peacefully, unaware of the confused thoughts going through his head. His heart sunk when he thought about the only option left. He was going to regret this and he vaguely wondered if it was gong to affect her much. He didn't sleep anything that night, and when the morning came and she woke, he was prepared.

_How am I supposed to feel about the things I've done_

_I don't know if should stay or turn around and run_

It was the most painful thing he had ever experienced. This brought him more pain than the time when the villagers beat and abused him on his birthday when he was younger or when Sakura and Sasuke had ignored him at training. Seeing first her confused expression, and then the anger, the tears and the bitterness.

_I know that I hurt you things will never be the same_

_The only love I ever knew and I threw it all away_

He still saw her, at the gatherings Sakura insisted on having. She looked as beautiful as ever, but when their eyes met the pain welled up inside again. Her eyes saddened for a split second and then turned away. In a way she had a mask on her own, he was loud because he needed the attention and recognition from others. She was loud because the silence made her remember the times they had shared together. He was lucky that she never told Shikamaru or Chouji though. If they ever found out how he had hurt her, he wouldn't live to see another day.

_And I can feel you breathing and it's keeping me awake_

_Can you feel it beating my heart sinking like a weight_

_I can feel you breathing, it's keeping me awake _

_Could you stop my heart it's always_

_Beating, sinking like a weight_

It wasn't that he didn't love her anymore, but she was the closest to see the real him. The one without the mask. She was the only one who could make his mask crack. She knew this deep inside. And maybe she'd forgive him one day.

But she would not know the real him.

No one would.


End file.
